What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all About???

Dances, apologies, hearts

Old habits die hard...when I first started swing dancing, I used to apologize to every "lead" (usualy the male) I'd dance with. I'd joke that although it's a standard assumption that follower (usually the female) mistakes are "always the lead's fault," I could prove that adage wrong!

Of course, the leads would assure me that it was ok and that I didn't "need" to apologize. I thought they were just being nice, but after a while I noticed how distracting it could be if I constantly verbalized my mistakes! Dancing, and partner dancing in particular, are forms of communication in and of themselves; if we are not on the same page, this typically is something both people feel and attempt to counteract without words.

Anyway, tonight I danced for the second time in about 3 months, so I found my old habit of apologizing creeping up again! Of course, I don't think that people should be entirely mute while they dance, or forgo verbal communication whatsoever, so it was hard to strike a balance!

The turnaround point was when I danced with this man whom I wasn't so sure about at the beginning...he was a lot older, and that can be often be a high risk, high reward situation from what I've experienced.

I have no idea what song we were dancing to, but it was definitely "bluesey" rather than the typical swing standards I'm used to...the female vocalist had what I'd call "soul" (if I didn't think me using that word would make the word itself less cool)!

Anyway, he was obviously a very experienced dancer just from his posture and musicality, but the BEST part was that he was just so INTO the song and the dance! He was closing his eyes at times, humming along to the music, and making slight changes in gesture or posture to go along with the subtle changes in music.

I started to apologize when I got off beat for a second, but I realized something: this guy did not CARE! He was having a great time, and I could as well, so long as I gave up the idea that I had to perform each move "right."

Constantly assessing one's performance as "good" or "bad" can catapault one from the "flow state," which I discussed in a blog in October, to anxiety and other (often unnecessary) emotions. I decided to just feel the music and enjoy my time out there!

Although I enjoyed the moment, I did allow myself to burst into laughter or blurt out a sorry upon making particularly noticeable mistakes, such as stepping on the lead's foot or flailing my arms around like a penguin; at times, these can actually bond the lead and follow, because the physical connection has already been broken in some way. By laughing, you sort of reset, and go out on the floor again.

Being at the Century Ballroom brought back memories not just of swing but of dancing Salsa as well...Suraj and I went there on our 4th date EVER as well as many subsequent dates! I can't wait for him to get back from Aruba in a week, he's been gone far too long in San Fransisco, NYC and the Caribbean. I regret the times I was uptight when we danced; I hope I can remember the lesson from tonight and let loose even MORE than I normally do! | posted by Cheryl, 1/02/2006 01:01:00 AM